By Sister Pia Marie
I remember as a little girl after a Sunday Mass asking my mom, “why don’t we do like Jesus asked that man to do and give up everything and follow him?” She kindly explained to me that times were different than Jesus’ time and we needed the things we owned in order to live. We lived humbly, but still there was something within me that wanted to give Jesus everything and follow Him.
I grew up with two older brothers, and we participated in every sport a small town had to offer. Before they went off to college, I spent my weekends during the school year at football games, basketball games, track and field meets, golf tournaments and cross country meets. My summers were spent at baseball tournaments and swimming meets. Needless to say, sports and being competitive came pretty naturally to me, specifically swimming.
By the time I was a freshman in high school I placed fourth in the 500-yard freestyle at the Nebraska State high school championship meet. I was a 4.0 GPA student too, with a good group of friends, involved in Godteens and my public high school’s Fellowship of Christian Athletes group. I seemed to have it all.
However, it was not until after I won the 500-yard freestyle at the high school state championship meet that I really began to see my faith as a means of hope. At a time when I should have been rejoicing in my victory, I was more empty and disappointed than I had ever been before. Whether I realized it or not, I had made myself a human doer rather than a human being. My worth and purpose was in my performance as a swimmer.
After accomplishing what I had spent a whole year dreaming about, I realized it did not take away my problems, nor give me the heaven I thought it would. Instead, this accomplishment left me questioning whether all the tough workouts and suffering was really worth it. I questioned if all pursuits, once attained, left the striver unsatisfied. In seeking to win at the state championship meet, I was seeking to feel more valuable, more seen, more honored. I did get more attention in the newspapers and congratulations at school, but it was not enough for me. It did not satisfy the deeper longings of my heart. I questioned whether anything could.
Without coming to a solid answer for my questions, I continued on with my life as best I knew how and signed to swim as a Husker at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.
Once on the team, I was blessed to have some amazing teammates who showed a strong commitment to the team. Two took me under their wing, invited me to their Catholic Bible study, and made sure I made it to Mass on Sunday. These two teammates also introduced me to a FOCUS missionary who also happened to be a former female professional basketball player. This FOCUS missionary was named Jen, and she soon became one of my good friends. She would continually invite me to Catholic events, invest in really getting to know and challenge me, but most of all, she showed me a deep love of God. The longings and questions that had been mulling in my heart since my sophomore year of high school seemed to resurface, but this time I was finding answers.
It was through these relationships that the Lord revealed to me true Christian joy, the joy that comes from being known, seen, heard, valued, and loved. It was the relationship with God Himself that I had been wanting and looking for.
Since I was a distance swimmer, most practices included swimming many laps with very little rest, which means that I had at least an hour a day to just think and swim. Over time, whether I realized it or not, this time had become time for prayer, time to offer to God, to talk with Him. I remember one night after practice I was on my way to dinner and felt a tug on my heart to visit the church, something I had never done before, at least on my own. I began making these types of visits more often and as I did, Jesus was less and less just an idea and more and more a person who loved me and desired me. It was as if I was falling in love.
Toward the end of my freshman year of swimming for the Huskers, I had, as my coach would tell us, “put a lot of hay in the barn,” or made each day of practice count. I had given 100% of whatever I had that day, meaning if I had only 75%, I gave 100% of that 75%. I had gained many good friends and excelled in the classroom. I was planning to go on a pilgrimage to Italy with Newman Center friends and two teammates as soon as swimming season was over. It was then, when I had everything as I wanted it, that a voice within my heart reminded me of a random thought that I had hid away: “think about becoming a nun.”
I listed to God all of the reasons why I thought it was a bad idea for me to consider that path, but still the voice in my heart kept bringing it up. I even tried bargaining with the Lord, if He got me to the NCAA championship meet, then I would become a nun for Him.
After a year or so of holding back these secret thoughts and desires, I met the Marian Sisters at their Holy Week retreat. I did not even want to go on this retreat and I had no intention of discerning religious life when I signed up for it, I simply went on it to strengthen my faith, and because my missionary friend Jen was going on it too. I had little to no expectation for the retreat. The Holy Spirit however, had very high expectations.
The Triduum is a rather solemn time, but the only thing I could enter into was joy, overflowing and unexplainable joy. I left the retreat knowing in my heart that my life could not stay the same. Jen suggested that I go spend some more time with the Marian Sisters. After a couple of visits and much prayer, it was becoming clear to me that the Lord was calling me to enter the Marian Sisters.
I was in my junior year as a Husker when I announced to my team that I would be leaving to enter a convent. They were not all that surprised, but it did not make the decision any easier. They had taught me so much. Reflecting on the lessons I learned as their teammate, I see that I now get to live with my sisters in community for the Kingdom of God in very powerful ways. As a swimmer, I learned that one person’s positive energy has the ability to affect the whole team and its momentum. If one sister has a beautiful idea that glorifies God, she soon has the many sisters ready to support and help her.
The grueling two-a-day workouts with my teammates taught me that I do not suffer alone and that we are stronger as a team when we suffer together. Now, as one sister in our community experiences great trial, we all turn to prayer and service with and for her. As my coach encouraged us to “put hay in the barn” each practice, I can see now that with each prayer and sacrifice we are putting “hay in the barn” for the salvation of souls and union with Christ. As I gave 100% of my 75%, I see that God’s mercy is so understanding and he knows our weaknesses, and only asks of us what we can give.
It has been over three years since I entered the community, and in August 2020, I made my first profession of temporary vows as a Marian Sister. I have returned to UNL as a student to finish my Elementary Education degree with hopes of graduating in December 2021.
