By Victoria Fassett
Campus Minister
UNL Newman Center
“Jesus turned, and saw them following, and said to them, ‘What do you seek?’” John 1:38
The first weekend of September, we invited our student leaders on a retreat aimed at getting to know the Holy Spirit more deeply. We spent the weekend at Broomtree in South Dakota in extended prayer, fellowship, and worship. We’ve hosted many of these retreats before, but this was the first one tailored specifically to the students who have said yes to living mission.
To open the retreat, we prayed with the verse at the beginning of this article. Taken from the first chapter of the Gospel of John, it’s the question Jesus asks Andrew and another disciple of John the Baptist when they begin to follow Jesus. It’s an interesting question, considering they’ve been spending, presumably, the last few years of their lives studying under John the Baptist, and waiting for when they would begin to follow the Messiah.
Now John has pointed them to the one they’ve been waiting for and here they are, following him, yet Jesus turns around and rather than simply welcoming them, asks them what they are looking for. What is it that they are seeking?
As we spent time in simple Lectio Divina with John 1:35-42, a key to what Jesus wanted to do on this retreat was revealed. For those of us who have been following Jesus faithfully for an extended period of time, I think it can be easy both to see that there is depth to this question that gives it a haunting quality, beckoning us to return to it again and again; and at the same time, think that it is no longer us to whom Jesus is addressing the question.
I imagine this wasn’t the last time Jesus asked Andrew this question, just as it’s not the last time he’ll ask me. It can become so easy for following Jesus to become normal and comfortable and ordinary, a list of boxes to check off before doing the next thing I need to do today. But when Jesus turns to ask what I’m seeking, the question somehow pierces through all the things I think I have to do to be loved.
I think that’s why this passage was such a powerful grace during this retreat. We brought together the leaders of ministry at the Newman Center, including FOCUS disciples, Newman Board members, and the Koinonia team, to give them a chance to renew and deepen their initial encounter with the Lord in a space that was built for them to receive. So often throughout the year, we’re inviting them to consider who else they could be inviting and who in their life needs deeper investment, but for this weekend, all of that was taken away, and they were simply given the chance to rekindle their first love.
In the stillness and the quiet and a space all their own, Jesus had the chance to dust off the desires that induced them to first start to follow him. It wasn’t just the original desires though, it was desires that had been refined and pruned and become more beautiful as they had grown and been tended to in the Lord’s greenhouse.
As the retreat went on, we would continue to come back to this verse, and it became the backdrop for freedom that was palpable. We watched as the students entered into a greater openness with Jesus and prayed with them as they explored places of woundedness in their hearts that the Lord wanted to heal. And as healing brought even greater freedom, we invited them to once again consider and think about the people they love—their family and friends, the people on campus who they want to know the truth of the gospel. Then we prayed for the Holy Spirit to move powerfully, to transform broken, imperfect people into his vessels of grace, for a campus that desperately needs the witness of saints.
My prayer is that these students—and I—will not easily forget the experience of having the Lord turn and ask that question, and that we would be reminded of the real reason we have chosen to follow Jesus. No matter what the people around me think of me, I desire intimacy with the One who has loved me since the foundation of the world, and without whom my heart will never find rest. Even a week after the retreat, it’s easy to strive to embody the newest identity that I think will make me be more loveable, but thankfully, Jesus is still there, waiting to catch my eye and invite me to consider what it is that I truly desire, what my heart is aching for, and then to bring it to him so that he can satisfy it.
