by Katie Patrick
“There can be nothing more excruciatingly contradictory to a Christian than the death of a child. Nothing can be a more brutally cold reminder of the pain that resides in this world, and the beauty that sits beside it. We who are still here afterward are flooded with pain and grief at the loss of innocent life, while our faith tells us that those innocent lost would be confused by our tears as they dance and bathe in the beatific vision, holding the hands of Christ, never once having to wonder and worry through life if they would ever get there.
“The role of a Christian parent is to ensure that his or her children make it to heaven. Maybe it is the gift of these babies lost early to relieve us of that duty. They’ve made it, and don’t need us watching out for them anymore.
It is truly a gift. The birth of a child is a gift. It is a miracle. Their little bodies remind us of how perfect some things on earth can be, but their loss reminds us that there is no ‘perfect’ here, and we can only hope to find that later.
“It is a gift from God that He could present us with a human life to hold and raise and ensure we get them to Heaven. If they leave us so incredibly soon, it’s instead their gift to us when we need it, to say, ‘You don’t need to worry about me. Please make sure you do what you need to so that you can get here too. Live in a way that you know you’ll see me again. If not for yourself, do it for me. I wish you understood how silly it is to grieve and weep. You looked at my little body and called it “perfect,” but you have no idea what that word means. I’ll tell you all about it when you get here.’”
- Written by my husband, Ryan Patrick Nov. 7, 2020 when we lost our daughter Imogen Rose.
On October 25, 1988, President Ronald Reagan designated the month of October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. On that day he said: “When a child loses his parents, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn’t a word to describe them. This month recognizes the loss so many parents experience across the United States and around the world. It is also meant to inform and provide resources for parents who have lost children due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, stillbirths, birth defects, SIDS, and other causes. Now, therefore, I, Ronald Reagan, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim the month of October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I call upon the people of the United States to observe this month with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities.”
One of the activities Catholic Social Services is doing this month is translating a resource guide that we created for refugee and immigrant communities, which contains information about various programs and services offered by CHI St. Elizabeth, BryanHealth, Connected Forever, No Footprint Too Small, and others. We are translating this resource into Arabic, Burmese, Dari, French, Karen, Kurdish, Mandarin, Spanish, Ukrainian, and Vietnamese. It’s our hope that it will assist families experiencing loss and encourage them that someday we “shall find our little ones again up above” (St. Zélie Martin).
To see our resource guide, please visit csshope.org/pregnancyloss.
