Angel’s story: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
by Sandra Svajdlenka
CSS Office Manager, Catholic Social Services of Southern Nebraska
During this Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I wanted to share my story to help honor and raise awareness for those babies who were born sleeping, those who were carried but never met, those who were held but did not go home, and the ones who came home but could not stay.
I brought to this world two beautiful babies Nov. 24, 2003, Emily and Angel. I can not explain all the emotions I was going through. I was anxious and extremely happy to meet my babies; the moment I had been waiting for was finally here. But at the same time, I did not want the day to arrive.
At about 10 weeks, I learned that I was having twins, but also that Angel had some abnormalities. The diagnosis was anencephaly, a rare birth defect in which a baby is born without parts of the brain and skull. I was devastated to hear the explanation of what that was. I was confused; just shattered. The doctor’s words were, “you can terminate the pregnancy or continue, but no chance you will make it all the way.”
I could not believe what I was hearing. My whole body went numb, cold. I don’t even remember the rest of the appointment. I do remember thinking, “there has to be a cure, I can’t just take one doctor’s diagnosis. I have to talk to someone else about this.”
Gratefully, I found a wonderful doctor who explained things the way I was needing. He was so compassionate and caring while caring for us throughout the pregnancy. I remember the love in the nurses’ voices while talking to me, trying to prepare me for what was to come.
I was told to not shop for two babies, to remember I was only taking one home, to not get a car seat for “Twin A,” to be ready to say goodbye to him within the first five minutes of his arrival.
There is no way anyone can prepare you for anything like that. The time of my precious little one’s arrival was approaching, so I made sure I was ready for them. I got two car seats, diapers for two, pink and blue blankets, lots of tiny clothes and prayers and blessings from everyone. I requested to have a priest in the delivery room to make sure Angel was baptized right after birth; that was the most important thing for me.
Emily was born at 10:07 a.m. and soon after, Angel made his appearance at 10:16 a.m.; the tiniest babies I had ever seen in my life!
Angel was put on my chest right away and the priest stepped in to baptize him while Emily got checked and cleaned. She then joined us: two beautiful babies laying on my chest just wanting to be loved and cuddled. Minutes passed; hours went by and we got moved to a recovery room. A few more hours went by and visitors started showing up with gifts for both babies. Everyone was in love and could not get enough of them.
After a long night of zero sleep, the priest who baptized Angel walked into our room to see how we were doing after Angel’s passing; to his surprise and mine—and really everyone’s—Angel was still with us and getting lots of hugs. We then gathered and had a Confirmation ceremony for Angel, so not only had he been baptized but he had been confirmed. What a blessing!
It was soon time to go home and I am so glad I got that second car seat, because I got to take both my little ones home.
We got to enjoy two beautiful months with Angel. On Feb. 12, 2004, our Lord called Angel to be by his side. Yes, I was devastated, but I could not believe the amount of support and love I was receiving from everyone. Our beautiful community showed its presence: funeral home, cemetery, flowers, services, food, you name it, it was all covered. I can not express how grateful I am for all the help people I had never met gave us.
If there is anything that I can say, or any message that I can give to each of you who are reading this article, it is to trust in the Lord. We are not in charge. He is. The doctors are not in charge. He is. I was only 16 when I welcomed Angel into this world, and when I said goodbye to him. Trusting in God is what got me through this and because of that trust God gave me one of the greatest gifts I will ever receive, the life of my son. And it has been my continued trust in God that gave me the courage to welcome four more children into this world.
