By Rachael Tvrdy
Director of Family Life and Discipleship
Broken families lead to broken parishes. It is no shock to hear this statement, but we rarely look at it because it is an unpleasant reality to face. Our parishes are composed of families, and for better or for worse, families are full of dysfunction. We are all humans, and there is no perfect family (unless it’s Joseph, Mary, and Jesus).
But like anything of high value, for family life to be what God created it to be, it takes a lot of T.L.C. According to a recent study by Communio, a non-profit dedicated to equipping parishes to strengthen marriage, 82% of Catholic parishes allocate $0 to marriage and relationship ministry. Yes, zero dollars. This is not just a statistic; it’s a call to action. It could be reasonable to deduce that a parish that puts zero dollars into marriage enrichment would be at risk for decreased involvement from parishioners, and an increased risk of divorce. It is also no surprise to many that fractured families, more often than not, leave the Church. When relationship ministry decreases in our parishes, so does the quality of marriages.
According to the 2018 American Political and Social Behavior Survey, young adults whose parents have intact marriages are 78% more likely to attend church than peers from unmarried homes. The family structure has a massive influence on religious participation. The family is the primary cell of society, and marriage is the foundation. If the foundation is cracked, then the entire house falls.
Think about it: families will only remain in parishes (and invest through time, talent, and treasure) if they feel invested in. We do not invest in something unless we see value in it. Investing in marriages pays dividends.
As of now, 1 in 5 Catholics are divorced, according to the USCCB. By the fifth year of marriage, 23% of Catholics apply for divorce. Our divorce rate now rivals the secular divorce rate of 25% by year five. These statistics are alarming and tell us that despite our best efforts to uphold the sanctity of marriage, something is clearly wrong.
The long-term effects of divorce on families are worthy of closer examination. Divorce is deeply disunifying for a child, and without proper processing and understanding, they carry these wounds into adulthood, delaying marriage altogether. As well, parents who go through a divorce will let you know the profound sense of isolation they carry inwardly, and how shattering it is to face the stigma of separation and divorce in their parish community. Many separated and divorced Catholics choose to leave their parish or the Church altogether because the shame of facing their faith community is too painful to bear. What should be a safe, warm place to land after a storm is now a source of deeper separation.
My office runs a Surviving Divorce class, and it is well-attended every spring and fall. We have gracious facilitators who run the series, and I’m deeply grateful for their generosity of heart and time. However, if the statistics above are true, then as a Church, we have our work cut out for us to extend ourselves to those in our pews who are hurting and isolated. But there is hope.
We can break off stigmas and acknowledge that divorce is a communal problem. It is caused by a fragmented society that is beset with instability: generational dysfunction passed down and modeled, pornography, addictions, mental incapacity, lack of maturity, and economic distress. We live in a culture of disconnection, and the only way to heal it is true connection.
While coordinating marriage preparation for the Archdiocese of Omaha and now, our diocese, I uncovered that the missing piece is connection. Couples need to feel invested, through relationships. Yet, despite the premarital inventories, retreat weekends, and theological instruction, the accompaniment never seems to be factored in. Why? Because it is hard to get humans to build a community with each other in 2025. And bringing it back to my first point: if our bottom dollar isn’t focused on investing in happy, healthy, holy marriages, then we don’t have much to offer them.
That is why I’m very thrilled to launch a new approach to marriage prep in our diocese, Witness to Love, which has slowly been launching in our parishes. In sum, it is mentorship, in which married couples invest in engaged couples through opening their homes as a space for deep conversation and friendship. There is structured sharing factored in, but also times for double dates, attending Mass together or prayer. It is a way all families can invest by offering their time, homes, and witness. And I invite you all to participate by checking out witnesstolove.org and asking your pastor how you can be involved. We can no longer afford to ignore marriage ministry.
