Q. My husband insists he promised God - at their baptisms - that our grandchildren would be raised in the Catholic Church. Now our daughter and son-in-law have joined another church and the children are active there. My husband has been trying to sway the granddaughters into coming back to the Catholic Church since it is the true Church started by Jesus himself. He told them any other church is false, and that the devil is trying to pull them away from what is right. As you can imagine, this has caused a huge rift. I see my family disintegrating before my eyes, and I don’t know what to do or how to stop the destruction.
A. Wow, what a heart-rending question which I believe many families deal with on a regular basis. This question touches me personally because I have very close family members who promised to raise their children Catholic and are failing to do so.
First, let me provide some background to what a Catholic’s obligation is to raise children Catholic and the promises that Baptism sponsors (godparents) make.
In the Diocese of Lincoln, couples who marry in the Catholic Church are asked to respond to questions in what is known as the Prenuptial Questionnaire. One question reads:
Do you recognize that you have a responsibility to do all in your power to baptize and raise any children you may have in the Catholic faith?
A similar request/requirement is asked of parents at Baptism. The ritual for Baptism reads:
You have asked to have your child baptized. In doing so, you are accepting the responsibility of training him/her in the practice of the faith. It will be your duty to bring him/her up to keep God’s commandments as Christ taught us, loving God and our neighbor. Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking?
The baptism sponsors (godparents) are asked a similar question, in brief:
Are you ready to help the parents of this child in their duties as Christian parents?
These questions are more than requests or recommendations; they are obligations. You are correct in saying the Catholic religion is the one true Church established by Jesus Christ. Therefore, we must do everything possible to preserve the gift of faith as we know it in the Catholic Church.
For any number of reasons, people do not fulfill their obligations in regard to these promises. They do not know their faith, or allow themselves to wander away from it. As a pastor of many years I am of the firm belief that most Catholics do not know their faith well. That is not a deprecating comment. That’s simply how I see it from experience.
When Catholics leave the Church for a Protestant church, I often hear people defend their choice by saying, “Father, just be glad they are going to church” or “we Catholics essentially believe the same things as other Christian churches.” These are fallacies. I am not willing to accept the first argument, especially if people believe/know that the Catholic Church is the one true Church established by Jesus and has the fullness of revelation that Jesus gave us.
Secondly, there are major moral and doctrinal differences between churches. If there were not, we would not see the multiplicity of denominations present in the world today - at least 30,000 to 40,000 denominations in the U.S. alone.
In defining churches, I look at Christian and non-Catholic churches, especially the mainline Protestant churches created during the Protestant Reformation in the mid-15th century as separated brethren rather than false religions. There are elements of truth in mainline Protestant denominations. I have more difficulty with recent upstart churches. They have little or no connection to Biblical, Apostolic, or Patristic Christianity. Usually, these are man-made churches that revolve around the pastor. Comparative religions like Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, Shintuism, etc. are false religions.
A good book explaining the differences in religions is “Separated Brethren: A Review of Protestant, Anglican, Eastern Orthodox, and Other Religions in the United States” by William Whalen published by Our Sunday Visitor. Currently out of print, it is available on used book websites. An easy read, I recommend it for those who want a greater understanding of the differences between religions.
As for what to do for family members who have left the Catholic Church, continue to be as good an example of a Catholic you can be. Go to Mass every Sunday and Holy Day, make good moral decisions based on the 10 Commandments, and try to live the life of a true missionary disciple. Invite fallen away Catholic family members to Mass (without harping) and pray every day for their return.
If family members are open to it, get them a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church and ask them to read it. Also, Catholic radio (cf. spiritcatholicradio.com), especially Catholic Answers Live from 5 to 7 p.m., is an excellent resource in relationship to what we as Catholics believe in and why.
I can only imagine the heartache and pain this situation causes. Do not give up or lose hope. You are not alone. Thanks for the question.
This question was answered by a priest of the Diocese of Lincoln. Write to Ask the Register using our online form, or write to 3700 Sheridan Blvd., Suite 10, Lincoln NE 68506-6100. All questions are subject to editing. Editors decide which questions to publish. Personal questions cannot be answered. People with such questions are urged to take them to their nearest Catholic priest.
