by Ann Peters Miller, M.S., LMHP
Immaculate Heart of Mary Counseling Center
“If I have told you once, I have told you a thousand times, don’t do the laundry! You do not know what you are doing!”
Do you ever have a conversation like this at your house? According to John Gottman of the Gottman Institute, 69% of all marital disagreements involve an unresolvable, perpetual problem—a problem you have argued about for most of your marriage. Couples who are able to have dialogue (discuss it) as opposed to gridlock (where no progress is made) are in much better shape in their relationship.
Here is how this conversation ended at our house: I was angry because my husband had washed a load of heavy towels on permanent press.
“Do you know what the agitator looks like on permanent press? (I jiggled my hips ever so slightly). He then asked me, “Can you show me how the heavy duty one looks?” So even though I was angry and upset with my husband, we must have had enough positive interactions in our relationship at that time that it ended up being no big deal. We both laughed and it was over. 
Did my husband agree to never use the laundry again? No, of course not, like I mentioned previously, this is a perpetual problem and we will most likely argue about it again. When a couple is able to dialogue, it helps the couple feel good and at peace with one another. My husband’s joking both decreased the negative effect and increased the positive effect. These two aspects, along with increasing positive affect in daily interactions, have been found to have lasting effects on a relationship as well. Gridlock, over time, can lead to disengagement, and couples end up living like “two ships passing in the night.”
The Gottman Institute wanted to know how to help couples have a more satisfying relationship. To do this, they studied how happily married couples normally go about their business of staying married. A large part of his therapy focuses on repairing, because we all have miscommunication. We mess up.
At the Immaculate Heart of Mary Counseling Center (IHMCC) of Catholic Social Services of Southern Nebraska, we attempt to serve as many people as we can, but we are limited in space and time. We are now offering a marriage enrichment online video series called Partners on the Journey to help meet the needs of marital couples across our diocese.
Paul T. Ceasar, Ed.D. and Darryl Ducote, LCSW, are the authors of this program. The riches of the Catholic faith give this series inspiration and it also gives meaning to marriage as a vocation, a covenant and a sacrament. The Gottman Institute provides the practical help, drawing on nearly 40 years of evidence-based research. This research is able to identify the factors that predict divorce, but also is able to predict factors that lead to marital success.
Partners on the Journey is a marriage enrichment program meant to both inspire and equip couples to form more stable and satisfying relationships. It is designed to nourish couples spiritually, intellectually and emotionally. This program is meant for any couple who is looking to enrich and improve or enhance their relationship. This compelling series takes both faith and science, weaves them together to help couples through the use of video presentations, exercises, and prayer. This program hopes to help couples achieve a more meaningful, stable and satisfying relationship.
For more information, please visit the IHMCC website at www.immaculateheartcounseling.org. There is an accompanying book to the Partners on the Journey video series, which is available for purchase through our website. Once a book is purchased, a link will be provided to the video series. There is no additional charge for the 12-session video series.
Learn more about Immaculate Heart of Mary Counseling Center at www.immaculateheartcounseling.org, call 402-489-1834 or email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
