by Fr. Benjamin Holdren, pastor of St. Peter Parish in Bellwood
and chaplain at Aquinas High School in David City
Familiaris Consortio, “the fellowship of the family,” is an apostolic exhortation written in St. John Paul II’s pontificate. Over March, because high school classes were online, I had some free time to read this document more thoroughly. I found so much light and clarity. The Sacrament of Marriage is so beautiful, but often those preparing for marriage don’t have the opportunity to take this in.
Maybe a small glimpse into this will cause you to spend some time with the document, and it will be as insightful to you as it was to me. JPII points out, that as a married couple, the first fundamental task is to be at the service of community, and the second is to be at the service of life. This article will focus on this second task, to participate in God’s creative activity by begetting in love and for love, a new person.
The encyclical states, “Since parents have conferred life on their children, they have a most solemn obligation to educate their offspring. Hence, parents must be acknowledged as the first and foremost educators of their children. Their role as educators is so decisive that scarcely anything can compensate for their failure in it.” Being at the service of life includes giving birth to this new immortal being, but it also includes being at the service of this new child’s supernatural life.
My personal experience is aligned with the next statement of the document: “The right and duty of parents to give education is essential. Because there is such a unique relationship between parents and their children, this role is original and primary; it is irreplaceable and inalienable. It is incapable of being entirely delegated to others or usurped by others.”
I worked at the Newman Center at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln for seven years, and the biggest factor that led to a student continuing to practice their faith in college was the faith of their parents, especially their dad. If we think about our relationship with our own parents, we recognize the power of this relationship: who had a bigger impact on us to heal or to hurt?
Our relationship with our parents is so unique by God’s design. If parents embrace the faith education of their children, the children receive the importance of it in a way that JPII points out is original, primary, irreplaceable and inalienable. Through the Sacrament of Marriage parents receive a special office. In the jurisdiction of their relationship with their spouse and their kids, they have the authority and power to stand in the person of Jesus Christ Himself, which means when they speak with love about God to their kids, their kids receive the grace of the Holy Spirit in very powerful ways.
The most basic element of education is parental love. Love enriches education with the values of kindness, constancy, goodness, service, disinterestedness and self-sacrifice. When I think about some of the greatest educational gifts my parents gave me, it happened in simple loving ways. As we would leave my grandparents’ house in Lincoln to make the drive back to Friend, it was always a race for me: could I fall asleep before the inevitable rosary happened? I wasn’t always a priest.
Because of the faithfulness of my parents’ devotional love, a graced moment happened. As I put my head against the window and pretended to be asleep, my parents said, “Okay, kids, time for the rosary.... Ben, I know you’re pretending.” There was a strong pull that happened within me, saying, “Just put your heart into it. Is it really so bad to pray?” As I reluctantly opened my eyes and joined into the prayers, I was filled with a comfort, a strength, and a deep peacefulness. This taught me that there is power in prayer, and that Mary is real. It taught me that her love is accessible and only as far away as the rosary.
I remember my parents sending me to SKY Camps, TEC retreats, and youth conferences. It was here that I learned that there were some really cool kids out there who were into their faith. This was foundational in the way I viewed my faith. I knew it was important to go to things like this because my parents prioritized them. It was a given by their example. This was important to them, and so should it be for me too.
They prioritized a youth conference in the summertime, paying the admission fees and taking time out of sports and other plans to go. It was here that I clearly heard God calling me to be a priest. God could have spoken in other ways, but He chose this occasion which came about through the faithfulness of my parents.
It’s tough to educate our kids well in today’s culture, but the parents are called by God to trustingly and courageously, “train their children in the essential values of human life.” Familiaris Consortio points to the importance of growing up “with the correct attitude of freedom with regard to material goods, adopting a simple and austere life style, and being fully convinced that ‘man is more precious for what he is than for what he has.’”
The family is the first and fundamental school of this social living. It is a community of love. Self-giving is the law that guides it and makes it grow, and the self-giving of spouses to each other is the model that the kids will follow. Thanks, Mom and Dad, for all the sacrifices you made to be at the service of our spiritual lives. My life would be radically different without you, and I’m so grateful for the gift of my faith.
And thank you parents who sacrifice many things to do the same for your kids. It may not be immediately evident, but through the power of your Sacrament of Marriage, you never know what is breaking through when your kids are pretending to be asleep.
