By Fr. Sean Kilcawley, director of the Office of Family Life, Diocese of Lincoln
St. Pope John Paul II's apostolic exhortation Familiaris consortio speaks of three phases of marriage preparation. The remote phase takes place from birth until dating. The proximate phase refers to the dating period and discerning the vocation of marriage to a specific person. Finally the immediate phase is the period of preparation for the sacrament of marriage. The new proposal expands on the proximate and immediate phases while adding a period of marriage mystagogia (“interpretation of mystery”) which lasts for two years after the celebration of marriage.
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The pre-catechumenal phase of marriage preparation would consist of the same remote marriage preparation. In our diocese, this includes the theology of the body curriculum taught in our grade schools. It also includes various youth ministry activities that call young people to develop a relationship with Christ. Most importantly, this phase consists of the witness of married couples, especially the parents of the child who are the first and primary marriage preparation couple.
The intermediate phase, which might last several weeks, includes the receiving of a couple who seeks marriage. The new document speaks specifically here of those who seek marriage but have been away from the Church. This phase should include an emphasis on the announcement of the kerygma (the proclamation of the Gospel) and an invitation to deepen their knowledge of Christ and grow in the faith. It might include the couple attending the RCIA even if they are already confirmed, for the purpose of starting again with the Lord. In recent years our Engaged Encounter retreat community has taken steps to re-emphasize the proclamation of the Gospel message on the retreat so that the Engage Encounter experience is not simply a series of talks about life skills, but more importantly is an invitation to a true encounter with Jesus. The retreat ends with a bethrothal ceremony which is proposed as the entry point into the final phase of preparation.
The catechumenal phase consists of three steps. The first is the proximate preparation which might be a year long. Then there is immediate marriage preparation where traditional marriage preparation takes place consisting of instruction on marriage as a sacrament and vocation, canonical requirements for marriage, review of catholic teaching, instruction on marital sexuality and responsible parenthood. Finally, the third part of the catechumenal phase is a period of accompaniment for the couple that may last up to two years.
In our diocese we have done much to improve the preparation at the remote and immediate levels. Our Catholic schools have updated curriculum to include the theology of the body throughout the educational process. Our marriage preparation policy calls for all the requirements suggested in the immediate phase. While informal, many activities at our Newman Center at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln are on their way to supplying the suggested activities of the proximate preparation phase. The two years of post-marriage accompaniment can be found in a lay movement that began several years ago called the Missionaries of the Holy Spirit in the Family which consists of groups of couples who meet monthly for additional formation on marriage and family life for a two year period.
The fact that these aspects already exist in our diocese can only be credited to the work of the Holy Spirit who is always moving in the Church. I am most grateful for the attention that the Holy Father pays to the fact that marriage preparation is a work of evangelization, and the most important thing that happens during this process is the proclamation of the gospel in order to facilitate conversion of hearts. I look forward to continuing to unpack this new instruction and to building on the good things we are already doing here in the Diocese of Lincoln. The challenge that remains is that this means that we all have to be willing to dedicate time which is a manifestation of our love.
