Q. My prayer is not being answered. Is it possible I’m praying “wrong”?
A. Anytime we talk about prayer, it is good to ask ourselves, “What is the point of prayer in the first place? Why do we pray? What is our end goal in prayer?” These questions are important to answer, because a misunderstanding of the purpose of prayer can lead to fatigue and disappointment.
We must remember that the “why” of prayer, first and foremost, is to be with God. Period. We go to prayer to simply be with the One who loves us – to be loved and to love Him in return. That should be our principal intention anytime we enter into a prayer period. If we go in with that mindset, then whatever “happens” in prayer is good, no matter how hidden or seemingly insignificant.
The issue is we often don’t go to God with this intention in mind. Instead we use Him as a spiritual vending machine. We don’t see Him as a Person we love and simply want to spend time with, but only as a person to give us what we want. Of course, God wants to hear what we desire (cf. Luke 11:9ff), but we bring these things to Him trusting that He knows best – that He loves us and desires our good. Often God wants to stretch us – to show us that beneath our petitions lie desires that are deeper than we can imagine, and He wants to fulfill those deepest desires in Himself. Sometimes that painful stretching of unanswered requests leads to a deeper, enduring communion with God. In the end, what our hearts ultimately long for is God Himself.
As we begin to enter into prayer in this way, we begin to experience a deeper rootedness in the Lord, which in turn produces a lasting peace in our lives. Prayer is no longer a tool to get what I want or something to check off our to-do list, but an encounter that leads to a loving self-gift and reception of the love of the Father. This is what the world needs most from Christians: to be vessels of the Holy Spirit and conduits of the overflowing, infinite life of God. As Father Jean Corbon wrote, “The most fruitful activity of the human person is to be able to receive God.” This frames prayer in the correct light and guards against a “vending machine” mentality. Any fruits or blessings received in prayer will be born of our relationship with Him and our whole life becomes a living prayer in the Holy Trinity. We begin to “pray without ceasing,” as St. Paul says.
Our commitment to prayer and our honesty when we talk to God are the only measures of whether we are doing it “correctly.” We must be dedicated to our daily periods of prayer and share with God openly and vulnerably, holding nothing back. While sharing our hearts with Him, we also receive Him and recognize His presence more fully in our life.
In the end, when it comes to prayer, it is just this simple: show up and be honest and you’re doing it right.
This question was answered by Father Ryan Kaup, pastor of St. Benedict Parish in Nebraska City. Write to Ask the Register using our online form, or write to 3700 Sheridan Blvd., Suite 10, Lincoln NE 68506-6100. All questions are subject to editing. Editors decide which questions to publish. Personal questions cannot be answered. People with such questions are urged to take them to their nearest Catholic priest.
