by Dennis Kellogg
Director of Communications
Tim and Tisha Elder’s journey to starting a family took them through infertility and miscarriage before it eventually brought them to where they believe God was leading them: adoption.
The Elders, members of North American Martyrs Parish in Lincoln, have adopted three children and share their story to encourage others to consider adoption as a positive, pro-life alternative to abortion.
Tim Elder hosts an adoption podcast, the Infant Adoption Guide Podcast, which is available on his website, InfantAdoptionGuide.com. He also joined with Terri Marcroft, an adoptive mother and advocate for open adoption, to publish a book that was released in November, “Pro-Family Pro-Adoption.”
Elder said going through infertility treatments really enhanced the couple’s prayer life because it made them reach out to God and ask, “Why are we going through this? What do you want from us?”
“It’s painful at times because month after month, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, things like that come around and you’re constantly reminded of what you don’t have, but you desperately want,” Elder said.
During that time, Elder said a priest from the Archdiocese of Omaha asked him, “Are you asking for something specific to God or are you just kind of generalizing?”
Elder replied, “I just want to be a dad. We just want to be parents.” The priest told him, “That’s what you need to pray for.” Elder said he and his wife made their prayer more specific and shortly after that, they were led to start the adoption process. Nine months later, they adopted their first child.
The Elders now have three adopted children, two girls and a boy, ages 16, 11 and 6. All were adopted as newborns, and all three were born outside of Nebraska. Tim said being Catholic and pro-life, their beliefs were strengthened even more seeing each birth mother make such a life-giving choice.
As the couple was preparing to adopt their second child, Tisha was diagnosed with breast cancer.
“To her credit, she was like, ‘I just don’t want this to affect our adoption,’ Tim said. “So she was thinking of the child more than herself. That’s who she is. Thankfully, she got through her treatment and recovery. We got to put the adoption on hold. It didn’t stop us from adopting, thankfully.”
About two years later, they were able to adopt their son.
All three of the Elder’s adoptions have been open adoptions, meaning they continue to have contact with the birth parents after the baby is born.
“Our kids have always known they were adopted. We wanted it that way. We don’t want any surprises,” Elder said. “The good thing about that is they get to know and learn about where they come from; their birth families.”
Elder said they have ongoing conversations and even visits with their children’s birth families.
“We actually went on vacation with my son’s birth family… (L)ast year they got married and invited us… They wanted (our son) to be the ring bearer, which is great. Our daughters got to bring up the gifts because they were having a wedding Mass… It was wonderful to be a part of that.”
Throughout their journey, the Elders have leaned on their Catholic faith. And that faith is a reason they have their three children.
“All three of our kids’ birth families, they all chose us, at least in part, because we’re Catholic and they wanted their babies, their children, to grow up Catholic, be in a Catholic school and learn the faith and not stray from it. It’s very, very important to them,” Elder said. “We’ve had a lot of great conversations with them as our kids have grown up and gone through first Communion and Confirmation and just doing sacraments and sharing those with them.”
Through his work on the book, podcast and website, Elder’s goal is to raise awareness of adoption.
“There are plenty of statistics that show there’s only one or two percent of women who have a crisis pregnancy that actually choose adoption,” Elder said. He added he wants women to see adoption for what it is – “a good choice and certainly a life-giving choice.”
“How can we, especially as Christians, help these women that are probably sitting in the pew next to us and we don’t even know it? How can we help them make a life-giving choice?” Elder asked. “How do we help them because the research shows they’re not getting the word, they’re not understanding the word, they’re not getting the support they need, either it could be at home, it could be in our church, it could be at the workplace, wherever they’re at they are not getting the support they need to say, ‘Hey, you can do this. Here is what adoption looks like. It might not be what you think, but it is a blessing.’”
The Elders have a unique perspective in that they have talked to and worked with these birth mothers in a crisis pregnancy and have also gone through the decision-making process to adopt. Tim Elder said prospective adoptive parents also need encouragement.
“Don’t give up. Research. Look at stories of other people, talk to other people,” Elder said. “My wife and I didn’t know anybody who adopted… so we didn’t even know what it looked like… Keep going and don’t give up because if you give up, you’re never going to adopt. If you keep going, you will adopt and you will feel a blessing.”
He uses the word “blessing” often when talking about adoption. It is the word that best describes how he and his family feel about how God brought them all together.
“We see the blessing of the whole adoption triad,” he said. “The child, the birth mother and birth family, and us coming together to love this child. And the child is really at the center because everything we do is for them.”
Listen to Tim Elder’s podcast at his website InfantAdoptionGuide.com. His new book Pro-Family Pro-Adoption is available at infantadoptionguide.com/profamilybook. Watch and listen to the entire interview with Tim on the Catholic Diocese of Lincoln YouTube channel.
