Guest column by Stacy Brass
Member of St. Peter Parish in Lincoln
Remember you are dust and to dust you shall return.
These words took on a whole new meaning on Ash Wednesday in 2021. There I stood before the altar of Holy Family Parish in Heartwell. I remember looking up at my brother, Father Andrew Schwenka, with tears in my eyes, as he placed the cross of ashes on my forehead and said, “Remember you are dust and to dust you shall return.”
I not only heard those words spoken over me, but for the first time, I physically and spiritually felt them in my heart and deep within my soul.
It was providential that we would bury Matthew on Ash Wednesday, the day we receive ashes to remind us of our own mortality and to publicly acknowledge that we are sinners in need of repentance. The ashes serve as an expression of sorrow for our sins and a commitment that we want to use the season of Lent to correct our faults, purify our hearts, control our desires, and grow in holiness. After the service, we processed out of the church to the cemetery where we laid my husband, Matthew, at his final resting place.
Matt was diagnosed with Stage 4 terminal cancer in 2019. We have four children, and our youngest daughter, Gianna, was only 4 years old at the time. It was very shocking because he had always been healthy and all he had was a backache. The day we were told he had a very rare and aggressive form of cancer, we also learned that it was incurable. He was given the prognosis of 6 months to a year, if chemotherapy worked. The cancer had already spread to multiple organs and was in his bones.
When you are staring death in the eyes, your entire perspective on life changes. Overnight, the everyday stressors of your jobs, the kids’ activities, and things of this world no longer matter. The only things that Matt cared about once he received his diagnosis was his family, his faith, and doing all he could to get himself and everyone he loved right with God. He wanted nothing more than to be confident that we would spend eternity together in heaven. We, of course, sought out the best doctors and treatments possible to help heal Matt’s body, or at least prolong his life, but our eyes quickly moved from the temporal to the eternal.
Over time, Matt began to see his diagnosis as an invitation. God was inviting us to draw closer to Him and to completely surrender ourselves and our family to Him. Matt learned how to suffer well, uniting his suffering with that of Christ and His cross, and offering it up for others. When Matt accepted God’s invitation, it gave purpose to his pain, and he became even more attuned to the blessings that God was bestowing upon us. Matt taught us the importance of having a grateful heart regardless of your circumstances.
At the end of his life, all that mattered to Matt was his faith in God, his hope for heaven, and his love of God and his family. He stressed to us all the importance of keeping God the center of our lives. The last thing he said was, “I am going to a better place. That is what we have to believe. The best is yet to come for me.”
Remember you are dust and to dust you shall return.
Death is inevitable. It does not discriminate, and no one can escape it. For some, it may not come for 50 years, and for others, it may be tomorrow. We can either deny that it will ever happen to us, or we can use the gift of this Lenten season to prepare ourselves, so we are ready when God decides to call us home.
So how can we be sure that we are ready? Thankfully, we don’t have to guess, because God and His Church are there to guide us. Let’s start with what Jesus taught us in Scripture. We have learned that God is love and we were created in His image and likeness, and therefore we too are created for love. In Scripture, when Jesus is asked, which commandment in the law is the greatest, He replies: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”
As we prepare our hearts for the coming of the Lord this Lenten season, we must ask ourselves, is our love rightly ordered? Do we put God first daily, and do we choose the good of others over ourselves?
I don’t know about you, but this can be difficult for me. Our human nature is to be self-focused and want instant gratification. It’s also the natural desire of our hearts to love and want to be loved. Unfortunately, the evil one and the world do all they can to tell us that they can satisfy these desires. whether it be through possessions, status, success in athletics or a career, physical pleasures, food, alcohol, gambling or pornography.
The evil one tries to tempt us that these things will make us feel better and we often fall for it. The small amount of pleasure that we might feel is only temporary. These things can’t have a lasting impact on our lives, or on our hearts, and they often leave us feeling even more empty afterwards.
But thankfully, our God, in His infinite wisdom and goodness, gave us His Son to show us the way by His example. He gave us His Church and the sacraments to guide us and give us the graces that we need, and He gave us this beautiful season to remind us that we are sinners, and we need to repent and get our love rightly ordered. He even gave us a recipe for it: prayer, fasting, and almsgiving.
Remember you are His and to Him you will return.
If you were put on hospice as Matt was, and told that on Easter the Lord was coming, what would you do? How would you spend the 40 days of Lent preparing for your final judgment?
Is there anyone in your life that you need to ask forgiveness from? Then do it. Maybe you need to forgive yourself.
Is there anyone in your life that you need to offer forgiveness? Then do it.
Is there a habitual sin or attachment to something that pulls you away from God or your family and prevents you from being the best version of yourself? Then fast from it this Lent.
Who is it that you would want to spend time with and tell them you love them before you die on Easter? Visit them and tell them.
What would your last confession look like before you die? Would you bring some things to the Lord that you had been holding onto? Are there some areas of your heart that you would give God access to that you haven’t in the past? Maybe you would take the time to make a General Confession as Matt did. This is when you sit down with a priest and reflect over your entire life and confess any sins that are still on your mind and heart. Matt had an amazing experience doing this and found it very healing.
What about prayer and your relationship with God? Is Jesus one of the first places you turn to share your struggles and your joys? Is prayer still optional or is it something you now must do throughout your day? In 40 days, you are going to be standing in front of God and you want to know who he is and recognize His voice on that day. Spend this time getting to know Him better. Give Him the first and last moments of your day and pray to Him throughout it. Stack your prayer time with things that you do every day. Maybe you make a habit of praying every time you walk to the restroom or any time you are in your car.
Visit Christ daily by going to Mass, reading Scripture, or spending time in adoration. Matt made this a part of each day, and it brought him great comfort.
Spend time in gratitude. You will be amazed at all that God has blessed you with. Give Him the praise and glory that He deserves.
You see if you do these things this Lent, I promise you that when the time comes and God calls you home, you will have nothing to be afraid of. You will be filled with the same faith, hope, and love that Matt was. You will actually be looking forward to it because you will know, the BEST IS YET TO COME!
One day at a time, one moment at a time, Jesus, I trust in You!
