Southern Nebraska Register
KVSS, Spirit Catholic Radio, welcomed approximately 1,200 people to its 2024 Spirit Celebration Dinner at the Mid-America Center in Council Bluffs, Iowa, Feb. 24. The event marked the Catholic radio network’s 25th year of broadcasting in Nebraska and Iowa.
The keynote speaker for the evening was Dr. Ray Guarendi, a Catholic father of 10 adopted children, clinical psychologist, and a national radio and television host and author. His radio program “The Dr. Is In” is heard on more than 500 stations across the country, and can be heard locally on Spirit Catholic Radio weekdays at noon (CT).
Before his talk, Dr. Ray sat down for an interview with Dennis Kellogg, director of communications for the Catholic Diocese of Lincoln. Dr. Ray had a warning for parents about children’s cell phone use, advice for better marriages, and thoughts on the Church’s use of media platforms to evangelize. The following is an edited transcript of that interview.
Dennis Kellogg, Southern Nebraska Register: We are in the middle of Lent at this point. What would you recommend we focus on as we prepare for Easter?
Dr. Ray Guarendi, Catholic radio and television host, author: Well, the easy stuff is to give up the chocolate, give up the desserts. That’s easy stuff. And you get people to say things like, “Well, I don’t really think I need to give anything up, I’m going to do things.”
Well, the problem with that is, it’s a lot easier to give up something than it is to do things. I would suggest you give up some of your favorite sins. Maybe you decide you’re not going to detract; you’re not going to talk badly about anybody. That could be one. Maybe you could give up arguing. Here’s a big one: give up being offended. Decide that you’re not going to be offended by something somebody says. ‘How dare they say that about me?’ Look what they did to our Savior. So I think the tougher stuff. I can give up chocolates a lot easier than I can give up being offended. But just pick one or two of them. See what happens. People will probably gravitate toward you.
SNR: You’re on over 500 radio stations across the country, you’re on EWTN across the world, a lot of what you do in your profession, you’re listening to people ask you questions, ask you for advice. If you look at all those questions, from a broad perspective, is there an underlying current that flows beneath them — a problem that everybody’s dealing with?
Dr. Ray: We are a discontented culture. As we drift further from God, we try to make our own way, morally. We try to make our own way, with the way we want to do things. And ultimately, it doesn’t work. And we wonder, ‘Why am I depressed? Why am I angry? Why am I sad? Why am I misusing things? Why do I have bad relations?’ The farther you get from the way God says to do things, the more you struggle.
SNR: We’re a high-tech society and getting more high tech all the time. You’ve talked about the dangers of cell phones, not just cell phone use and mobile video use for children, but also for adults.
Dr. Ray: People will say to me, “What’s the one thing I can do that will sabotage my parenting more than any other single thing?” I say, “That’s easy. Hands down, get them a smartphone and get them one early.”
You know, the average age of smartphone (starting use) right now is 9 years old. So Catholic parents, if they hold out to age 13... they’ll think is really holding out, which is still way, way too early; they’re in the bottom five percent. They’re going up against a culture no longer on their side. Technology rushes ahead of fallen human nature. We have something very powerful and yet we don’t have necessarily the maturity or the adjustment to handle it.
(With my cellphone) I’m like Pavlov’s dog. If I hear a ding, I have to look. I have to look, I can’t not look. And what happens if I’m in church and it dings when I’m in church and I feel it vibrate. And it’s like, “When can I look at this?”
I remember one time I reached inside my pocket and my wife – in church – smacked me on the side of the head. So I have to battle the whole idea of “this thing’s got to be my third kidney.” That takes a lot of self-discipline.
SNR: In your 40 years as a clinical psychologist, how has the family unit changed and why has it changed?
Dr. Ray: The family unit is fractured. Let me give you a couple of scary statistics. The millennials – those typically considered under age 34 or 35 – more are now living together than are married. And they have more children out of wedlock than in wedlock. Forty-three percent of those under age 27 claim no religion whatsoever.
Now, these are statistics that are far off the charts in anything our society has ever polled. If you have, at this point, probably about 40 percent of American babies being born out of wedlock, they’re starting out without a father. It’s not a matter of “OK, our parents broke up.” (They) didn’t even begin with a father.
Typically, it all traces back to when our Lord says the best way to do this is a man and a woman committed for life. That is by far the best way. And, by the way, the research says that too, although psychology doesn’t always want to admit that its research confirms what Christianity says. But if we want to do it our way, we find out what’s going to happen.
SNR: If somebody out there has a strong faith foundation, do you find more often than not that emotionally and mentally they’re more healthy? And if so why?
Dr. Ray: As a general rule, that is true. People will say, “If I had more faith, would I be less depressed? If I had more faith, would I be less anxious?” Yes, up to a point.
There are certain types of disorders that are biochemically based. Fortunately, they are a minority of disorders. There has been a lot of research that says of those people who have a deep faith — they pray often, they attend church often, they give of themselves — by and large, they are more content. They are more emotionally stable. They have more durable marriages. And this is secular research; This isn’t research done in the name of the Church. So in fact, that component is huge.
You have to think if God says, “I know. I made you. Do it this way; Don’t do it this way.” If we say, “Well, I know better. I’m going to do it this way.” You can’t run a car on turpentine.
SNR: So you seem to have mastered Catholic media. You’re one of the most prominent people on radio and television. But as a Church, have we done well enough in using those platforms to evangelize?
Dr. Ray: We’re catching up. When I first began on Catholic media, there were 1,500 non-Catholic Christian stations, and there were about five, maybe 10 Catholic stations. (There are) about 700 now, so we’re catching up. We’re recognizing the power of the media. A very famous priest once said that he believed that Catholic media was a major factor in keeping the American Catholic Church from schism.
So Catholic media can be everywhere, it’s very potent. Most people, their exposure to the understanding of the faith occurs for eight minutes on a Sunday homily, assuming they go to church, which is right now 17 percent of Catholics. Many of them didn’t come back after COVID.
Think about this, if I were in the group of the original apostles, and Jesus said, “Go preach to all the nations.” I know what I’d be thinking, “Well, maybe I can walk 15 miles a day and I don’t really know how big the world is. But I don’t know how he wants us to go preach to all the nations.” And our Lord, being God, would probably know what I was thinking and he would think, “You don’t understand.”
At some point down the road, the gospel is going to be in the air. And all you will have to do is have a device, and you could pull it out of the air. Which seems incredible. It seems like magic. But right now, Catholic media, especially KVSS all around us, all you got to do is have a device to pull it down.
SNR: In addition to your broadcast work, you also have written a number of books, and your latest one is on marriage, “Simple Steps to a Stronger Marriage.” Why did you write it? And what did you learn from writing it?
Dr. Ray: I wrote it because there are simple things, simple, dramatic things you can do to improve your marriage. And they have a replicating effect. The problem is, and people see this in therapy, we resist doing what is good for us. We do. It’s fallen human nature. So I spend a large part of the book talking about the resistances — I call them “resistance rationales” — that people have to just doing these little things that are going to have a cascade effect in bettering their marriage. So I took it from that angle.
SNR: We’re celebrating Spirit Catholic Radio and 25 years on the air. You work on Catholic radio across the country. How does Spirit Catholic Radio and what we’re doing in Nebraska stack up with the rest of the country?
Dr. Ray: They’re one of the best. I say that without exception. They are one of the best. They have the ability to let people know that they are there. Most Catholic stations will say, “How do we get more Catholics to know we’re here?” That’s the biggest obstacle. KVSS and all of its network affiliates have done a marvelous job. You have a conference here with 1,200 people. That’s not me. That is them, getting that word out, and they know how to do it. I wish all the stations and the networks could take some lessons from KVSS.
Watch and listen to the interview with Dr. Ray Guarendi on the Catholic Diocese of Lincoln YouTube channel, and subscribe for more Catholic videos.
