By Bob Sullivan
Do you know a Catholic who disagrees with the Church? Most of us do. It isn’t easy to agree with the Church all the time.
Many things can lead a person to disagree with one or more teachings of the Church. Sometimes it is as simple as sin.
Sin is easy. Justifying the sin often follows, and one way to justify a sin is to conclude that the Church is wrong in classifying the act as sinful. Our inclination toward sin (concupiscence) and our reluctance to be wrong urges us along this path.
However, for some, the cause is much deeper. The root of all sin is the sin of pride. (Isaiah 14:13-14)
When a person concludes that the Church is wrong – and they are right – is often due to pride. Each of us has a lifetime of learning and experience to add to our natural gift of intellect, but the Church has divine revelation, followed by 20 centuries of experience, prayer, discernment, and scholarship of millions of people, including saints and many of the most intelligent people to have walked the earth. And don’t forget that the Church is also guided into all truth by the Holy Spirit.
Sometimes a person’s disagreement with a Church teaching is out of ignorance. It may be the ignorance of the Church’s teaching, or ignorance of Christ Himself. Ignorance of the Church’s teaching is often the culprit because a person has misunderstood the teaching or the reasons for the teaching, or the person has been misled.
Ignorance of Christ is the culprit when someone perceives Jesus as more of a wise teacher or social justice warrior than the real Jesus, who is just AND merciful, not just merciful.
Sometimes a person’s disagreement stems from a life experience such as the death of a loved one, a rude or hypocritical Catholic, or a traumatic experience which leaves deep scars.
Finally, disagreement can come from apathy. While this can be the same as ignorance, it is a little different than misunderstanding or being misled, because with apathy, there is a lack of interest in knowing in the first place. Such a person is fairly uncommitted, and only takes a position if the necessity arises. They might also change their position back and forth, depending on the circumstances, because they do not think it is important.
There are other reasons people disagree with one or more Church teachings, but for people who identify as Catholic yet disagree, one or more of these five (sin, pride, ignorance, trauma, and apathy) is usually a large factor.
I have found that there are some do’s and don’ts when discussing matters with people, and they are different, depending on the person’s reasons for disagreement. Some basics which are consistent across the board are your need to remain humble, courteous, patient, and to listen. You also need to understand that the person is not going to change his or her mind as soon as you offer a correction. Instead, you need to be prepared to work on your relationship with the person over the course of time.
Instructing the ignorant is, by far, the easiest situation to deal with. If every instance involved only correcting misperceptions and providing missing information, only the most confused would be reluctant to embrace the teachings of the Church.
Apathy is often resolved when life gets difficult or draws to a close. When things are going well, or when a person is content with their life circumstances (which is surprisingly common, even in difficult situations), it is difficult to get them to consider eternity and introduce them to the Father who loves them. To them, it seems that “enough people like me well enough, so one more is nice to know about,” but they don’t really feel the need to invest a lot of effort in the relationship. Yet, when the time is right, such a person often comes to value that one relationship very much.
Sin and the underlying sin of pride, are much more difficult to deal with. Just as people can get very comfortable with difficult life circumstances and resist love, mercy, and forgiveness; pride and other sins can twist a person’s mind to the point where they cannot break the chains which bind them. However, as with addiction, hitting rock bottom can bring about conversion. Additionally, there are occasions when a person is simply open to truth. It may be a passing moment or a slow process of conversion, but a patient, humble, and caring friend can play a role in the conversion process.
Trauma seems to be the most difficult barrier to access to accepting the truth of one or more Church teachings. When someone has been hurt, it leaves a scar on his or her soul, and it can keep the person from opening his or her heart and/or mind to the truth. The trauma can be as simple as a hypocritical parent who identifies as Catholic but who fails to live the faith, or as serious and complex as a case of victimization and assault. Pain, anger, fear, and other side effects of the trauma can only be overcome by the most fervent prayer, fasting, and friendship based in love.
I am not proposing that everyone who disagrees with a teaching of the Church does so because of one of these basic causes, just that in many cases, at least one is present. There are also many other potential causes.
The most important thing to remember is, we can’t just let people live in doubt, nor can we write them off as lifelong cynics. We have a Christian obligation to love them with truth, and if we do so, we may be the one to help them back to the Church when the Holy Spirit has designed the time.
