By Bishop James Conley
National Marriage Week is observed Feb. 7-14, concluding on the feast of St. Valentine, 3rd century bishop and martyr. St. Valentine ministered to the persecuted Christians of Rome who like the Savior he served, died laying down his life for his friends. “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (Jn 15:13).
It is for this that St. Valentine is the patron saint of happy marriages. One of the most beautiful truths about the Sacrament of Marriage is that it is the one blessing from the beginning, “not forfeited by original sin nor washed away by the flood” (The Order of Celebrating Matrimony, 2nd Edition, 2016, #74). God has “foreshadowed the Sacrament of Christ and his Church in this sacred bond.”
While marriage has always been both a demanding and beautiful vocation, it has become even more so in recent years. The culture in which marriage finds itself today is evermore hostile to the truth for which it stands. Therefore, we must do even more to prepare Catholics for this sacrament, responding to the needs and challenges that affect those today seeking to enter this holy and sacred covenant. Further, in the scriptures we see that Jesus accompanied people and taught them through his words and actions, not sending them into the unknown until they were sufficiently prepared for the challenges ahead.
In his 1981 masterpiece on marriage and family, Familiaris Consortio, Pope St. John Paul II was the forerunner for the marriage catechumenate, a new Vatican initiative that guides couples through their journey to marriage and into the married life. In Familiaris Consortio, the Holy Father introduced the concept of the three stages of marriage preparation (remote, proximate, and immediate), in which he proactively invited the whole of the ecclesial community into this great work of evangelization.
Remote preparation, which begins in early childhood, focuses on teaching the dignity of the human person at a young age. Upon further development, children and young people learn the value of chastity and male/female complementarity. All our K-8 Catholic schools in the Diocese of Lincoln offer a Theology of the Body curriculum, rooted in JPII’s teaching, instilling these necessary truths into our children. But true formation for the human person begins in the home, the Domestic Church, the first school where a child learns to give and receive love.
Proximate and immediate preparation involve the stages of courting that lead to engagement and marriage preparation, a journey of faith that should lead to a true encounter with the person of Jesus Christ. The 2022 Vatican document promulgated by the Dicastery for Laity, Family, & Life, “Catechumenal Pathways for Married Life,” is a systematic response to Pope Francis’ desire to offer pastors, spouses, and family ministry workers a refreshed approach to marriage preparation. It is modeled after the Order of Christian Initiation (OCIA), which precedes the Sacraments of Initiation.
In the marriage catechumenate, much like the baptismal catechumenate, engaged couples choose “sponsor couples,” better known as mentor couples, to walk the path with them. The pastoral guidelines offer local churches the freedom to customize and tailor the “pathways” in accordance with the needs of the parish. The final goal is an initiation into a permanent “catechumenate” to form marriage missionary disciples. Marriage formation is meant to continue beyond the wedding and into the early years of marriage, as it takes great care and accompaniment to build great unions.
For this reason, in response to Pope Francis’ genuine need and request, I am pleased to promulgate an updated approach to marriage preparation for the Diocese of Lincoln, which will go into effect July 1, 2025. This new policy has been in formation for several years and has gone through an extended process of research and drafting by our Director of Family Life & Discipleship, Rachael Tvrdy and her team. Rachael first presented a preview of the vision for the marriage catechumenate at a Priest Study Day in September 2023. She then hosted several diocesan-wide training sessions for parishes who wanted to “come and see,” including additional webinars.
One of the concrete phases of research was to accompany “early adopters,” pastors who were generously willing to pilot and test this new process which proved to be very fruitful. She also was invited to attend the Marriage Catechumenate Summit in 2023 and 2024 with a select group of bishops, diocesan leaders, and marriage experts to examine the above-mentioned document, “Catechumenal Pathways for Married Life.” These summits brought leaders together from across the country to discuss practical steps on how to implement it at the diocesan and parish level. Lastly, the final phase of application was to bring the policy before the diocesan Presbyteral Council and Pastoral Council for review, who offered invaluable feedback to bring this effort into fruition, for which I am deeply grateful. At each step in the process, I was more and more convinced this much-needed approach is a true work of the Holy Spirit.
The hallmark of this new model of marriage preparation is mentorship and accompaniment. One particular model that has emerged, which I strongly endorse, is “Witness to Love: A Catechumenal Model for Marriage Formation.” This model calls into service married couples who genuinely desire the holiness of newly wedded couples; to share with them the knowledge that they have learned through their “good times and bad times,” and to walk with them in their time of preparation and beyond.
The research surrounding “Witness to Love” demonstrates increased church attendance and a lower divorce rate among newlyweds who use this model. Studies show a 77% decrease in the divorce rate (from 23% on average for Catholic marriages, to less than 6%) among Witness to Love Couples. Church engagement has also been statistically shown to rise, with an 80% increase in attendance among “Witness to Love” newlyweds. The reason: personal relationship. Newlyweds with a secure, chosen mentor couple who stand as a lifeline to their parish are much more likely to be engaged in their faith and stay married.
If Jesus and his love for his Church is the model of Christian marriage, like the love St. Valentine showed for the persecuted Christians, then couple mentorship and accompaniment become the model for us to help others live their vocation to the best of their abilities. Our diocese is already blessed with an array of marriage enrichment apostolates such as the Missionaries of the Holy Spirit in the Family, Love & Life Program, Engaged Encounter, and Marriage Encounter. I am greatly encouraged by these established movements that are creating such a long-lasting effect for future generations. And yet, there is so much more we need to do. With great hope, I wish to invite each family in the Diocese of Lincoln to open wide the doors to Christ and consider being a part of the marriage catechumenate as we begin to implement this new approach over the coming year. Consider asking your pastor how you can assist in this renewal, whether through prayers, service, or hospitality.
The future of the Church depends upon strong marriages and families. In the words of St. John Paul II, “As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live” (November 30, 1986, Perth, Australia).
St. Valentine, pray for us!
