by Bob Sullivan
If you are reading this, you have either picked it up because you read this type of stuff, or someone sent it to you because they know you are Catholic and you have children. Rest assured, reading this will not leave you feeling like a failure, nor will it discourage you or overwhelm you. In fact, it should give you a boost, because as guys, we like challenges (missions), and we also like a plan.
Your mission, whether you like it or not, is to be the spiritual leader of your family. Whether you are about to become a father for the first time, or whether you are going to be a grandfather for the umpteenth time, you have a clear-cut mission as the spiritual leader of your family.
You have other missions too, but they are all related and you actually execute all these missions at once. You have the mission to get yourself to heaven (not by works alone, mind you), you have the mission of getting your spouse to heaven, and you have the mission of getting your children to heaven.
As you can see, these are all very closely related. Meanwhile, you need to keep a roof over your head, food on the table, and the lights on.
However, even these things are related to being the spiritual leader in your home. There are other missions besides these, but I think you get the point by now.
How does a man properly execute the mission of being the spiritual leader of his family? Here are a few good practices:
o Get the family to Mass every Sunday.
o Avoid hypocrisy.
o Pray with your family.
o Be joyful, or at least not grumpy.
o Work, but not too much.
All of these things are your obligation. Your wife can and should certainly do all these things as well, but not to a greater degree than you do them. Therefore, you are not to act as the dictator, only as a leader. There is a difference.
Getting your family to Mass each weekend is absolutely essential. This, of course, refers to the whole family, not to everyone but you. This is the most important thing you do because in most cases, children emulate the faith of their father more than the faith of their mother. This means that if you give your family a ride to Mass, but you stay in the car or go back home for an hour, your kids are not likely to be faithful in their adulthood.
How do you execute this task? First, you need to plan ahead. The typical weekend at home is not too difficult, but if you go to the lake, take other vacations, or have one or more children in youth sports leagues, this can be a difficult logistical task. So, plan, communicate, and be consistent.
You really need to avoid hypocrisy, especially when it comes to faith. Hypocrisy is poison to the faith of young Catholics. When you boil the Catholic faith down to its basics, they are pretty clear and pretty simple. They may not be easy, but they are not confusing or vague.
Therefore, your children can easily recognize situations when adults are not practicing what we preach. We all make plenty of mistakes, but if we aren’t even trying, kids pick up on that pretty fast, and they quickly conclude that faith is more like behavior modification or a scam instead of God’s plan for our salvation.
Praying with your family is a great way to avoid hypocrisy. If you are praying with your family, you not only work on your own relationship with God, which helps you immensely, but it demonstrates a consistent and enduring faith which is not just an hour each weekend. A great resource for Catholic dads is probably sitting in your house right now: The Bible. Another resource is the rosary. There are thousands of other resources, as well. Find one that works for you and keep looking for more. You need to pray on your own, pray with your spouse, and pray with your family. St. Ephram said, “Birds fly, fish swim, and humans pray.”
A spiritual leader needs to remain joyful. You are not going to encourage followers if you are always or too often stern or overly serious. People want to have fun. This is especially true for kids. There are certainly many times when you need to be serious, but pick those times and let your family see at least as much joy as they do seriousness.
It is not misogynistic to recognize that in most families, the father is the main source of financial income for the family. This means that most Catholic dads are obligated to work for most of the day each day of the week, hopefully not on Sundays though. However, there are a lot of Catholic doctors, police officers, and other fields which do require work on Sunday. Regardless of your schedule, you still need to set ample time aside to get your family to Mass, to pray with them, and to share joy with them. Simply (which isn’t easy) providing for their financial needs, cannot replace any of the other basics noted above. If you spend too much time making money, you can easily end up estranged from your family, sooner or later.
Additional resources for Catholic dads are the men’s groups in your parish. If you don’t have any men’s groups in your parish, start one; they will come. A great group to look into is Heroic Men which is found at https://heroicmen.com.
