Guest column by Fr. Benjamin Holdren,
Director of the Propaedeutic Year at St. Gregory the Great Seminary in Seward
Many of us can probably think of a time when we turned to our Lord with real conviction, asking for healing, and it didn’t happen as we desired. As I prayed about this topic, a vivid memory came.
In 2019, I received a call from a dear friend, Stacy Brass. Her husband Matt had been diagnosed with a very progressive type of cancer. It was a shock. They were young, with four wonderful children. Stacy, Matt and I arranged a Mass with prayers for healing. Many attended as we prayed with confidence, asking Jesus to heal Matt. But physically, he wasn’t healed. Cancer took his life Feb. 10, 2021.
Stacy asked me to preach his funeral. There are very few homilies I have prayed about more. I was wrestling with God. I read the funeral Psalm, number 63: O God, you are my God whom I seek… Your kindness is a greater good than life. I thought, “Father, I do seek you, but it’s hard to see your kindness here.”
I read the funeral reading from Wisdom: His soul is in my hand… he seemed, in the view of the foolish, to be dead; his passing thought to be an affliction, but he is in peace. “Father, it does feel like Matt’s passing is an affliction. We wanted healing. In the Our Father, Jesus taught us to pray, ‘Your Kingdom come.’ We prayed that you would bring your kingdom of heaven here. Father, I’m wrestling with the next line of the prayer, ‘Your will be done.’”
There’s a temptation I have to take offense when the will of the Father is different than mine. Scripture refers to this as hardness of heart. In the Gospels we hear the Apostles’ struggles with this. Jesus asked, “Have I been with you so long? Are your hearts hardened?” God gives us so many good things and His will is always perfect love for His children. But how do we find meaning when his will isn’t physical healing?
As I prayed about the homily for Matt’s funeral, I was drawn to the third chapter of Genesis: Behold, the man has become like one of us… Therefore he must not be allowed to put out his hand to take the fruit from the tree of life also and eat of it and live forever. I was reminded of Adam and Eve’s separation from their loving Father. The Father refused to let them remain immortal in a state of permanent separation from him.
Genesis teaches us that God allowed suffering and death as a powerful means of humility and repentance. Did Adam and Eve’s suffering and their confronting death cause conversion to their Father? If the end game is eternal Life, and there is a possibility of us choosing eternal death, then reconciliation with our heavenly Father is everything! Suffering and death are not merely a punishment then, but a powerful remedy God uses for our fallen nature. In suffering, I finally realize how powerless I am. “God I need You.”
Of course, I’m not saying that Matt’s family were big sinners. Quite the opposite. But for all of us, born into separation from our Father, is it possible that suffering can bring about greater conversion, for us, our loved ones, and the world, than healing at times? Can I trust in the Father’s way of seeing? Who is like God?
I contemplated what my heart was truly desiring as I prayed for Matt’s healing. My desire was for him and his family to experience real union with their Father. In prayer I sensed our Lord gently pointing to Matt and asking me, “Isn’t that exactly what happened?”
In his final days, Matt had limited speech and his thoughts weren’t coherent. On the Thursday before he died, we had Mass for him at home. Matt surprised us. In lucid sentences, he said, “I have something I want to say. Stacy always tells me I’m going to be in a better place. I will be with you and praying for you. The best is yet to come for me.” Stacy said she couldn’t have pictured a more peaceful, happy death.
Healing didn’t come as we desired or expected, but the Father brought heaven to Matt and his family. We have every hope that Matt is face-to-face with his Father, experiencing profound union, awaiting his family’s arrival, interceding for them. We prayed for union with the Father. “Isn’t that exactly what happened?”
When healing doesn’t happen as we desire or ask, we ask for humility. Eternal Life and perfect union with our loving Father is the endgame. Loosely quoting St. Augustine, “Think well of the Father, who does not always give you what you want, but always gives you what you need.”
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Editor’s Note:
The John Paul II Healing Center in Tallahassee, Fla., is bringing its “Healing the Whole Person” conference, including a “Day of Equipping,” to the Catholic Diocese of Lincoln. Speakers at the conference will include Dr. Bob Schuchts, Sr. Miriam James Heidland and Bart Schuchts.
The “Healing the Whole Person” conference will be April 16-18 at North American Martyrs Church in Lincoln. Online registration is now open. A separate but complementary event, a “Day of Equipping,” will be held April 17, and requires a separate registration. Online registration is now open.
For more information on both events, visit jpiihealingcenter.org.
Read more:
'Healing the Whole Person' Q&A with Dr. Bob Schuchts
Identity through the lens of healing by Fr. Ryan Kaup
The power of the Gospel and physical healing by Fr. Ryan Salisbury
Healing the Heart: a priest's journey into the Lord's restoring love by Msgr. Christopher Goodwin
From compulsion to connection: A Catholic look at attachment science and healing from addiction by Dr. Peter Martin
'By His wounds you have been healed' by Bishop James Conley
News story: 'Healing the Whole Person' conference coming to Lincoln
