Q. Why does the Church make a big deal, with so many rules, about sex?
A. Catholics don’t – or at least, shouldn’t – make a bigger deal out of sexual sins than the others we have. Breaking sexual rules isn’t nearly as bad as murder, or idolatry!
What makes it seem like the Catholic Church makes a big deal about these is contrast. The “world” and the Church currently agree on many moral issues: charity is good; honesty is good; stealing is bad; killing the innocent is bad. But when it comes to sexual issues, the Church often says “no” where the world says “yes.” Nobody likes to hear “no” when it comes to the strongest of human pleasures, especially when the things they like are forbidden! The Church’s “no” seems really big! And it has to be repeated often, because human beings fall into these sins so easily, and so often, compared to many others!
The Catholic rules about sex can be summarized into four:
1. All deliberate use or enjoyment of sexual activity must be done within marriage.
2. Contraception is not permitted.
3. Marriage is between a man and a woman.
4. Marriage is a free, total, faithful, and (potentially) fruitful gift of self, according to the laws of God, lasting until one spouse dies. (OK, that is a little complicated.)
Behind this disagreement between the Church and the “world” is another: who gets to decide what sex is for? If human beings get to decide, and we decide it’s about pleasure, then the world is right, and the Church is wrong. But what if God gets to decide what sex is for?
If you don’t believe in a creator God, to whom all things, including human beings, owe their existence, I don’t expect you to be convinced of any of this. In fact, I’d be surprised if you agreed with much of it; you’re possibly even a little suspicious!
But if you do believe in a creator God, then you believe in Someone Who potentially designed sex to have a purpose, and could potentially reveal what that purpose is. We might be able to figure out this purpose based on what sex is, and what human beings are. Catholics would answer both of those “potentiallys” with a resounding “yes!” Yes, God designed sex with a purpose, which can be discovered by examining human nature. Yes, God revealed to us what He wants sex to be for.
In these days where contraception is easy and widely accepted by society, it’s easy to forget that children are a normal (though by no means inevitable!) consequence of sexual congress. Their well-being is aided greatly by living in a stable family, something which the noble and useful works of counseling, childcare and social work cannot really replace. The unfortunate reality of bad families is, in a sense, the “exception that proves the rule.” These children come into being not only because of the parents, but because God chooses to create a new human soul. God is far more directly involved in human sexual functions than He would be in those of animals, for example, or with our other bodily functions.
And, of course, sexual intercourse can be a powerful relational experience between the people involved, contributing not just to a moment of happiness, but, potentially, to something much greater! How unfortunate if a desire for pleasure crowded out all the other good, non-sexual relationships of which we are capable!
The well-being of children. Long, stable, potentially happy relationships. A significant contribution to the peace and happiness of the human community. Proper care and handling of one of the most God-saturated activities naturally available to human beings. We can’t just “do whatever we want” with our sexual powers and expect these good things to remain unscathed. Keeping sexuality within the bounds of marriage, as outlined above, allows these, and other, good things to flourish. It may not guarantee happy families, non-sexual friendships and relationships, or a “happily ever after,” but it makes it possible. These are all things that we want. It would be a shame to throw them away for the sake of mere moments of physical pleasure!
If that’s not enough, we also have Divine Revelation in the Scriptures. The Mosaic Law, which Jesus fulfills, already insisted that sexual activity be within marriage and saw fertility as a blessing (Exodus 22:16, Leviticus 18, see also Genesis 1:28, Genesis 38:7-10). Jesus’s fulfillment of the Law of Moses often simplifies things (Mark 7:19, Acts 15). When it comes to marriage, however, Jesus’s expectations (though not the punishments for not meeting them) are even higher than Moses’s, insisting on the permanence of marriage, among other things (Matthew 19:8-9, potentially Matthew 5:29-30). St. Paul, who by no means encourages Christians to follow the Mosaic Law in general, still upholds views of marriage like those outlined above (1 Corinthians: 6-7). Just in case we have trouble finding out what sex is for ourselves, God’s revelation gives us some help!
This question was answered by Father Evan Winter, pastor of St. John the Baptist Parish in Minden and Holy Family in Heartwell.
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