by Bob Sullivan
If you are male and Catholic, you might wonder just what, exactly, is expected of you. If you look around your neighborhood, you will likely notice that most of the other men are less than active in a church. If you look around at the men in your social circle, you might find that some or many of the men seem to be more interested in hunting, work, spectator sports, or other things than they are in Jesus. If you look at your closest friends, you may even have close relationships with men who have no faith at all.
If this does not describe you, then you are in the minority of Catholic men. I say this because in a recent survey of Catholics, it was found that Mass attendance is down to about 17% nationwide. When you look at the attendance of men compared to the attendance of women, we have historically found that men do not attend Mass as regularly as women. Therefore, less than 17% of Catholic men are probably attending Sunday Mass on a regular basis. Granted, I am speaking in broad generalizations here. In our diocese, the frequency is likely higher. Additionally, you may run with a faithful crowd. If so, keep it up.
What I am saying is that the average American Catholic man does not have as much support in his faith as the average Catholic woman does. In fact, it is likely that there are millions of Catholic men in the U.S. who do not have other male friends who attend Mass, pray, and who observe many, if any, Catholic practices in their daily life.
I think the Church could do more to cultivate a Catholic culture for men. I’m not saying that this is a job for the hierarchy, though. It is a job for all Catholics, lay, clergy, and religious, as well as male and female. Most of this actually has to be done by lay men, but with some assistance from the clergy. Sometimes it seems as if men are waiting for others to come up with a plan, and that others are either oblivious to the need or they are waiting for lay men to come up with a plan. As a result, nothing happens.
What needs to happen? A lot of it depends on the particular circumstances of each man, parish, and diocese. At the root, it has to be one man reaching out to another man. This may be something as simple as a couple of guys who go out to coffee each week and discuss their faith and the things going on in their lives, in the light of the faith. It may mean starting a men’s group in your parish, or making the decision to start participating in a men’s group you already have in your parish. I have a small group of Catholic men I have a Zoom meeting with most Thursday mornings. I also participate in That Man Is You in my parish. In addition to that, I started a men’s book club which meets on Wednesday evenings.
Maybe the only thing geared toward men at your parish is a Knights of Columbus council. Join it. Maybe you have a men’s Bible study in your parish. Join it. If your parish doesn’t have these things, the answer is obvious: you are the one who needs to start it. The first step is to reach out and either get involved with something already happening or to contact your pastor and discuss some ideas with him. In some cases, you may even need to join something at a neighboring Catholic parish.
It is important to avoid waiting around. While many Catholics have started great programs and events, brotherhood is so important that you can’t let a day go by without having some brothers by your side. Each day you wait for the new group or ministry is a day wasted. And every day wasted is a day in which you are vulnerable to attacks by Satan.
Associating with other faithful Catholic men will not protect you from all attacks from Satan, but it will repel many of those attacks. Satan is a coward. He commonly pursues those who are isolated, alone, or who have wandered from the faith. When you are with others who are also prayerful, receiving the sacraments, and pursuing the path of Christ, Satan decides to set his sights on easier prey. And if you do stumble into a snare, your brothers can help you back onto the right path, and encourage you in getting back to confession, the Eucharist, and spiritually healthy practices.
There are not any saints in the history of the Church who were lone wolves. Even when St. Anthony of the Desert tried to detach himself from others, he ended up in community with other men. If you have read about many of the saints, nearly every story involves a close relationship with another saint. Sometimes this was a relationship involving a man and a woman, but usually male saints had another male saint with whom they corresponded, visited, or shared a community, such as Paul and Timothy, Cosmas and Damian, Ignatius and Xavier, and Augustine and Ambrose.
Maybe thinking of yourself as one half of a saintly friendship is too much? Think again. You can never enter heaven unless you are a saint. Maybe it is easier to think of yourself as the St. Jean de Brebeuf to the more well-known St. Isaac Jogues, or the Jan Tyranowski to St. John Paul II?
You can still have a strong relationship with your spouse, your pastor, your brother, and your father, but having a strong faith-based friendship with one or more faithful Catholic men in your parish or in your community, is something which cannot be overvalued.
