Pro-life work brought us together

Details: 13 December 2013

Two weeks ago today, at the tender age of 49, I exchanged the single life for the married life. On Friday, Nov. 29, I married Jacqueline Halbig at St. Rita Church in Alexandria, Va.
God’s timing—although sometimes hard to understand—is perfect. Both Jacqueline and I had discerned the marriage vocation throughout our adult lives and, despite pursuing relationships with others, never found the right person. Consequently, we were beginning to conclude that marriage was not God’s calling for our lives.
A trip to Washington, DC on June 2, 2012 changed that conclusion for both of us. A few months previous, I had lunch in Lincoln with Austin Ruse, president of the Catholic Family and Human Rights Institute (C-FAM). Mr. Ruse was in Nebraska to speak at the Lincoln Diocesan Council of Catholic Women conference.
When he returned home to the Washington D.C. area, Austin’s wife Cathy asked how I was doing and if I was married yet. I’ve known Cathy for many years, from the time when she worked in the U.S. Bishops’ Pro Life Office in Washington, D.C. Austin, who had asked me the same question at lunch, told Cathy that I was still single.
A short time later, I received an e-mail from Cathy asking if I’d like to meet a friend of theirs (Jacqueline Halbig). Having begun to conclude that marriage might not be my calling, I was initially hesitant to say yes. Thanks to the wise counsel of my spiritual director, I agreed to pursue yet another relationship.
On Saturday, June 2, 2012, I flew to Alexandria, and met the woman who a year and a half later would become my wife. I was scheduled to fly there the day before, but after boarding the plane and pulling out toward the runway, the plane was stopped and ultimately cancelled due to storms in the D.C. area.
As a person takes the initial steps to pursue a dating relationship, such strange encounters lead one to wonder whether this is God’s way of saying no or the devil’s way of frustrating God’s will. I concluded the latter and rebooked a flight for the next day.
One of the first things Jacqueline told me was that she recognized my name from some contract work she had done for Americans United for Life during the debate over Obamacare a couple years prior. She was assigned to call my office to discuss various pro-life concerns about the legislation and, for some reason (perhaps because she is German) she was intrigued by my name.
This past connection over pro-life issues in addition to our common relationship with a couple involved in pro-life work was an initial indicator that God may be at work in bringing us together. I had always thought that if I was to be married that I’d most likely find my wife through my pro-life work, and this turned out to be the case.
I share these personal details to encourage single persons (especially those in middle age) who may be discouraged in their pursuit of a good spouse. Both Jacqueline and I recognized that with as many common friends as we have, it was remarkable that we didn’t meet years ago. We also recognized that had we met at a different time in our lives, it is possible that we may not have connected the way we did at this time in our lives. Again, God’s timing is perfect!
Furthermore, because marriage is a sacred institution and essential to a healthy society, I want to encourage those who are considering marriage to discern well whom God has chosen for their spouse. Jacqueline and I agreed that there are worse things than being single—like marrying the wrong person.
If you are dating, don’t rush the courtship. Take plenty of time to really get to know your potential spouse, pray together and apart for God’s guidance in your discernment, and save sexual intimacy until marriage.
Jacqueline’s and my commitment to chastity was critical to us discerning well our call to marriage. It made our relationship—before and after marriage—more special and beautiful. And we were blessed to be told that it inspired others around us who saw that chastity is possible and desirable. We cannot thank God enough!